I thought today, of all days, I might actually write a personal blog. It is a year ago today (or tomorrow if you want to be pedantic) that I awaited results and then got them. I guess it's natural to feel reflective: people are talking and Tweeting almost exactly the same things I was last year. At this point in my life, I feel I am especially qualified to talk about the highs and lows of this day. So, with this in mind, I am going to write a message to the two camps of A-Level result holders there will be by the end of the day: the pleased and the disappointed. And yes, the disappointed get a much longer note; my sympathy lies, ultimately, with them.
To the pleased,
Congratulations! When I finally got my place at Warwick in March, I felt relief like I never have in my life. It's overwhelming, to have something which before had been a scary possibility on the horizon you tried not to want too much become your reality. But you'll be fine. You deserve your place and you've earned it. A-Levels are fricking hard, ignore what the papers say. If you've got through them and got to where you want to be, then enjoy it! You can start reading those books from your reading list and buying supplies and spend hours trawling the student union website, without feeling like you're tempting fate.
Well done!
To the disappointed,
Hi. So all the things I am going to say in this message are going to be repeated to you over and over and over: teachers, friends, parents, friends of parents, strangers you meet etc. But I'm going to say it anyway. Because it is all good advice. When people were saying this to me last year, I nodded my head and (while accepting that it was probably all true), it made nothing any better. But now, looking back on it, I'm glad I heard it then. It normalises things, I think, makes you feel better to know those clichés are all true. There's comfort in that and, right now, I know you could do with some of that.
Results day was, probably, the worst day of my life. I know that is simply proof that my life has been both short and incredibly sheltered but it was. You can spend a whole year telling yourself (and everyone who shrugs off your worries with a 'you'll be fine') that you shouldn't get your hopes up, that there is work still to be done. But it's only human to invest in the future you have come to expect for yourself. And to be upset when you lose it. Now disappointed is a loose term: it may simply mean you've had to go to your second choice over your first, a readjustment in itself. Today, however, for so many it will mean not going at all this year.
So I am going to postulate that not going this year could be a good thing for you. And am going to conveniently avoid to mention the fact the fees are going to triple next year.
Whether you have to retake or not, this year is going to be about work. Another application (either back to university or, heaven forbid, the world of work) seems utterly daunting and is as dull and mindless as you remember. But the disappointment will allow you to truly assess how much you *really* wanted it in the first place. All decisions about A-Levels and UCAS are made so quickly that sometimes, people make mistakes. Better to realise that now than later. The idea now that I was ever going to study History is enough to make me laugh - how could I have ever thought I wasn't an English student? Maybe I'd have been fine studying History (deep down, I know I would have been) but I think I"ll be better than fine with English. But my desire for Warwick has been a constant and if this letdown does nothing but fuel your desire for one course, one place, one subject, then let that fuel you. That determination will get you through the year and, hopefully, get you what you want.
And maybe you never knew how determined you were. I certainly didn't. While I may have no career ambition (at the time of publication), there was never any doubt in my mind that I was going to do everything possible to be going to university this September. But it turns out failure, as perceived by yourself, sucks. It demoralises you and reaffirms every worry you had about yourself in the first place - that you didn't deserve the places that you got, that you don't work hard enough, that everyone makes more sense than you all time, that there's no point. The cliché, however, does stand. Failure's when you learn the most about yourself. I never thought of myself as persistent or able to bounce back from problems or resourceful or responsible. And this year, I've been all those things. I worked hard and I got what I wanted and even, shockingly, held down jobs! It's scary but nothing is better than coming out the other side knowing nothing but your own determination and hard work have got you what you wanted all along. Nothing. And maybe you'll have to change what you want, lower your expectations. But there's nothing like a setback to humble you and I bet you'll have achieved more by the end of the year than you feel like you will right now.
And think about this. A gap year is a good experience. I never wanted one, never expected to have one. I may be terrified about the fact that I have to write English essays again after a YEAR but in many ways it's been great for me. It's given me the time to reflect on my choices, think things through and you will not be disadvantaged, in any subject, to be a year older with an extra year of experiences (especially if one of those is success in the face of adversity). But this year has been great in another way: in the immediate aftermath of results day, I learned the true value of my friends, and an extra year spent with them has been nothing but a joy. And new friends! Man, new friends. They've been awesome too. If all your friends are off, use this as an opportunity to prove to yourself you can make new friends, something you might not have had to do since you were four. (I did not do enough of this at college, possibly my only regret from this year as it means friends is something I'm still stupidly nervous about).
Basically, cry and curl up in a ball and numbly nod along to all this advice. And then work hard and get back to where you want to be. I guarantee you, when you finally get there, you'll appreciate so much more. And, at the end of your impromptu gap year, hopefully you won't be looking back anymore. I know if someone told me I could go back, go to Cambridge but lose this year, I'd say no. That's all you can ask for in life. And to learn that lesson is something you might not be so lucky to learn at your first year of university.
Good luck!
