Musing On Me

So, I've been thinking lately a lot about... stuff. I know that I said that this blog would be more issue-based. But what's the point in having a blog if you can't indulge in an emo, self-reflective, self-involved rant every now and then?

I've been thinking a lot about writing at the moment. Partly in preparation for NaNoWriMo and partly down to all this future preparation I'm being forced into at every turn. For the last few months, I've been writing a lot. FanFic, random stories, plots, scripts, even the odd feeble attempt at serious fiction. But doesn't every teenager have one of those crazy dreams of how their life's are going to pan out, and it never happens?

The problem is I am far too self-reflecting for my own good. I spend half my time trying to second guess the future me. Because a part of me never wants to look back on what I'm doing now and feel embarrassed or ashamed of what I've written and thought. But isn't that an inevitable part of life? That in the future you'll look back with part nostalgia and part... muted regret? And I think I'm so afraid of having dreams for fear that they won't come true and I'll be embarrassed to have had them. Now it's fine. Because it could happen. But when it doesn't happen, will I regret wanting it?

Then it got me thinking about what I write... how I've never written from a female perspective. Maybe because I can't separate the women of my imagination with my own consciousness. I've also never written about real experiences... maybe because they all happened so recently it'd be too raw right now?

But maybe, years from now, when there are different people in my life and the view from my window is different, I will write about now. And what will I think about it? What will other people think?

So, yeah. Just some musing. Needed to write it down to prove either way if I'm crazy or not. Haven't quite made up my mind...