BEDA #17 - Banking, Panicking And Nuking

Well, today was a day much less eventful than yesterday. I woke up in bed with Charlotte (read into that however you will) and when I got home there were *more* builders in my house fixing the guttering of something. Then I went to the bank and took out £800 to pay my dad back for interrailing.

I was going to talk about panicking for results, which I am doing, but I think I'll save that for tomorrow. Needless to say when people talk about it, I can feel my stomach bubbling and dropping at the same time.

I am, for maybe the first time in BEDA, talk about Luke/Noah/Reid. I really want to clarify my position. Reid has quite literally split our happy fan community down the middle. Half the people (some new, some long-standing fans, some who faded away when the storylines were particualary slow) think Reid is a godsend to the show and the other half think he's a betrayal, and a lazy one at that, by the writers.

I am torn. The reason I love Luke and Noah is that, unlike many others, I like the soapy, ridiculous, fluffy aspect to them. It amuses me and entertains me and, coming for Europe, it's a novelty to me to watch something so unashamedadly dramatic. Luke and Noah are genuine opposites in many ways, which made for (some of the time) a realistic dynamic. It's also important when building tension: soap couples break up a lot, and Luke and Noah are treated no differently in this respect.

But I like Reid. Genuinely. He's like a PG-13 Brian Kinney (so without all the sex). He's snarky and funny and believeable. I think he's incredibly well-rounded considering the time he's been in the show, well-acted and his being gay is not his defining feature. Saying that, it's not ignored and he and Luke have had some of the hottest kisses on the show ever. You know, in my humble but scarily well informed opinion.

I, unlike people who have @ replied me on Twitter, do not think this is because Luke and Noah did not have chemistry on screen. I think it's because, predominately, Luke and Noah has been a love story first. While waiting for sex was a drag, I do respect that they were portrayed as a couple willing to wait for each other.

So, my loyalities lie with Noah but I do have a massive fan-crush on Reid Oliver. So I'm torn. a lot like Luke in many ways. And I can see the pros for Reid:

1. He challenges Luke on many levels Noah does not.
2. He's opening himself up to Luke in a very uncharasteristic way - shows deep emotion.
3. He's funny and witty and the kind of guy Oakdale needs.

But then Noah has upsides too:

1. He tolerates Luke's obsessive need to be needed with more grace than Reid does.
2. His love for Luke got him out a wheelchair and got him his own sight back. That's the kind of love you hang onto. Or bottle.
3. Luke and Noah fit together in a way which seems much more comfortable - Luke's fought enough battles.
4. They both want the same things out of life - excitement when they're young, a family when they're older.
5. Noah is not an emotionally unavailible workaholic. He's more committed to Luke than anything else.
6. After everything they've been through, and how groundbreaking they are, they deserve a happy ending.

So there you have it. It's Luke and Noah ftw. Let's just hope (and they haven't got long left) that they handle it well.

And yes, I am mainly using them as a distraction from the fact my fricking life gets decided in a few days. Humour me.

Luke, Noah and Conventionality

There is NC-17/R rated language and content in this blog. You have been warned people!

So, as you probably know I am a huge fan of the Daytime Soap couple Luke and Noah (so much in fact I posted this vlog about them). In my usual perusing of the few places in which Nuke fans can openly talk about just how obsessed they are with Nuke, I stumbled upon this question in a forum and it made me wonder a few things. The question was:

'who do you think the boy is and who is the girl in their relationship?'
(They also did not use a capital letter, so I shall not, no matter how annoying it is)

This statement offends me on several levels. The first and most obvious being that it is a symptom of a bigger problem. So many people seem to have a compulsive need to put every relationship into the conventions of heterosexuality. Luke and Noah are two men - both of them. One is not the boy, one is not the girl. They are both MEN. They have sex like two men would have sex. They kiss (sometimes). They suck cock. They wank each other off. And, I assume, so many people must watch Luke and Noah and hate to imagine that. That is why the show put them off having sex for so long, in an abhorrent move to keep those on the edge of complaining from switching over. This need speaks of a problem I have with so many Nuke fans - yes, they are a classic, romantic soap couple but they are a gay couple. You can't pretend that's not true, or assume they are an exception to some bigoted rule. If you want the romance, you have to take the reality that they have sex. When you can do that, that is genuine acceptance of the characters into the soap.

From reading slash fiction from this couple (and others), and seeing both sides of the flower and vase argument, I think it is safe to say I am qualified to make some judgements over the characters. If we're asking, not to be more crude than I already have been, who tops and who bottoms then, again, are we not trying to fit them into categories? 'Noah had a tough military upbringing, doubt his conscience would let him take it up the ass' is a vast stereotype. As is 'Luke got hot Italian blood running through his veins, he does all the work!' (These are paraphrasing of things I have seen before, not direct quotes from anywhere else). There is nothing in the show to give any indication which way round their relations may have and continue to occur, but my own interpretation is that their relationship goes through stages, and I would expect their sexual lives to move in parallel with these emotions. The fact that anyone needs all the time to put them in boxes shows a complete disregard from the subtleties and nuances of genuine relationships. Luke and Noah strive for a partnership, and I am sure that that would extend into any bedroom activities.

What makes Luke and Noah's relationship so endearing to watch is the fluidity with which those labels apply until they don't apply at all. Sometimes Luke is protecting Noah, sometimes the other way round, sometimes Luke needs to be centred, sometimes Noah does. They both make stupid decisions, both stand up for the other, both have complicated history and childhoods. That is what makes interesting and believable characters in drama, and in taking this all on, it is obvious that they defy stereotype by being a genuine partnership. That is not to say there is not some sign of co-dependance but it works both ways. This is, in fact, my answer for why woman consume and create more gay content such as slash fiction and pornography, than men. Woman are attracted to a relationship without stereotypes, where dynamics are built based on personality types and not gender, where men understand their partners emotionally and sexually. There is nothing sexier than a man realises he is more than that.

The other, equally alarming, point about this question is that is suggests that heterosexual relationships should have a dominant male and submissive female. Surely we are past the point of assuming the dynamics of relationships have or should be that way. I think to build a relationship upon roles based on gender stereotypes are intrinsically flawed, for there will always be situations in which, naturally, the roles would reverse. It is this kind of understanding of relationships that forces strong women to subdue themselves and men to hide their emotions, even when in long-term relationships. It is entirely negative for society, in the 21st Century, to still pander to inaccurate generalisations for all genders and sexuality's.

Overall, this question and the additional issues it raises plagues this subculture. Mpreg FanFiction stems from the same place - straight couples procreate, I must have this couple procreate. That is not to say there is not good mpreg fiction out there that does more than this with the sub-genre but it is where it comes from that worries me. I would like to think most people who watch Luke and Noah are more intelligent than this, and I am sure they are. If not, it's their loss. Because by trying to understand Nuke by conditions they do not fit, you miss what makes then a great couple in the first place.

I have written this in relation to Luke and Noah but the same can be said for many other gay couples on television such as McDean, Chrolli, DeRo etc.

A Blog In Defence Of Twitter

A Blog In Defence of Twitter

So, I meant to write this blog a while ago but Spanish Oral Exams have been getting in the way of my blogging.

For the last couple of days/weeks/months, I have been reading/watching/generally hearing from a variety of sources a lot about how Twitter is a waste of time, a pointless exercise in self-indulgence and overall a negative internet fad. But I, as a prolific Tweeter (I think that is the word), I have a few objections to the stereotype.

I think Twitter is a brilliant website: and in some ways, the embodiment of what is so great about the Internet. Not only is it a mass of information, but it's all user generated. Of course some of it is mundane, and hardly 'useful', but that sharing of information between you and your followers is a valuable part of what make the Internet. Sharing ideas, experiences, links, opinions and culture is surely the sole purpose of the Internet - and no website does it better or more instantaneously than Twitter.

People have been calling it 'a waste of time' and 'self-indulgent' to Tweet things like 'Drinking Tea', and in some ways I agree. Although personally, I like these more personal, mundane Tweet's. It's nice to to see how other people spend their day, what other people value and I truly believe you can tell a lot about people from what they Tweet. Like all online output, and unlike real-life social interactions, you can control how you come across over Twitter, and often Tweet what you want people to hear. And I value knowing those things about my friends - what it is they would like me to know, or maybe even, what they wish they were like. For me, this is sometimes the most interesting part of someone's social-networking personality, in it's differences from their RL personalities.

As for self-indulgent, again I can only partly agree. Of course, all services in which we discuss ourselves and our opinions is slightly self-indulgent - part of believing your ideas matter or have a place in the world. But I think that is an integral part of human nature; to want to feel a part of something bigger. And that's another thing the Internet is so good at. Twitter is a way of consolidating your actions and opinions, getting feedback, hearing people feel the same or are interested in what you are doing. This has been at the heart of art for thousands of years - and I believe Twitter, and instant social-networking as a whole, comes for that instinctive place where we just want to be understood and validated.

I also think it's interesting how communities congregate over the Internet, and meet on Twitter as a kind of place to really get to know people. For example, lots of people whose username you know from comments etc. follow you and suddenly you can chat about the videos and ideas, possibly in a way you cannot with your real life friends (I say that almost as if I have first-hand experience). Having an odd obsession has never before made you feel more included than secluded than when you have a group of Twitter friends to discuss it with! Of course, I have no weird obsessions, so this is an entirely academic paragraph ;p

So, in defence of Twitter, there are those who don't understand it, or don't want it and that's fine. But there is a huge community and you can't dismiss them ALL as self-involved people with too much time on their hands. Some of us just enjoy the new, modern form of contact and hope that Twitter, in whatever form, will exist for a long time to come!

Bring on the advertisements!

And just FYI, Nuke is so good at the moment. Expect my next post to be a review of the year of Gay television so far!

Oh, and also, I won ScriptFrenzy! Badge on the side...

Getting what you wish for!

So, exactly a week since I posted my 2009 wish-list, and my second wish for the year has been granted. Luke and Noah, the sexiest couple in American soap opera As The World Turns, finally had sex.

This may not seem like a big step, so if you don't know, here is a brief back-story. Noah joined the soap last summer, a love interest for the long-standing but newly-out Luke Synder. He struggled to hide his feelings but failed: and his and Luke's first kiss has been watched over a million times on YouTube. After two kisses they stopped kissing for over 200 days: and the cock-blocking began.

There has been self-hate, denial, girlfriends, paralysis, Green-Card marriage's, 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell', farmhouse rules, ex-crushes, step-grandfathers with inappropriate crushes and conversations about meat (if you know what I mean). The kiss clock has been ended, with those back on a regular basis, but then the fans started asking why they were the only couple on the show not to be having sex. Everyone's doing it: the underage, the elderly, the married (and not to their spouses in most cases). In total, it's been over 500 days since they meet until they had sex. And, as we know, that day was today.

But with all that waiting, you may ask why I kept watching? Well, that's simple. I love them. Now, anyone who knows me will know I am a McDeaner to the end. But Luke and Noah are different. Similarly to the great QaF debate, Nuke are a far more American story: focusing around a love of family, of commitment and companionship over the immediate need to feed your hormones. And, as frustrating as waiting for them has been, you have to admire the show for trying to draw their gay couple away from the stereotype that homesexuality is all about sexual desire: a very damaging assumption and one the soap should be proud of denying in it's ground-breaking storyline.

What I love about Nuke is what I love about today's episode. They argue, and they make up. They have a support network, who recognise how much they love each other. They are friends as much as they are in love. They kiss and you believe it. They have issues that don't disapear when it's convienent for the writers. Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann are two actors completely at ease with the roles and with a genuine talent. Even when the writing is stale, the acting is witty and engaging. It's a show unafraid of happy endings, or of sad ones, and keeps enough element of melodrama without (most of the time) slipping into the absurd. I honestly believe this is in part to the actors and the fans, some of the most vocal in the fandom community.

There are things that are missing in these clips as in Nuke as a whole: a decent storyline, for one, and a lack on on-screen bedtime antics is another. They need to move in together, and start doing this on a regular basis. But I honestly believe that is to come: the show has consistently proved me wrong when it comes to how far they will go, and the first time they give us what we want is always the tamest. I think things will heat up...

And here it is, in all it's glory:





Overall, what is so beautiful about Luke and Noah is the fairytale element that American shows seem to love to add to the equation. Now normally, cynical as I am, I brush this under the carpet as them being afraid to tell an honest story. But, in reality, I believe it is more daring. Rather than making this a modern story, pushing the boundaries, it is a soap storyline before anything else: with all the melodramas and repressions that go with that. And in doing that, they capture not only the magic of the characters but the magic of the genre.

So, to summarise, Happy Nuke-finally-had-sex Day everyone! I can honestly say it was worth waiting for! Who'll join my campaign to make it a national holiday??

xXx

My 2009 Wish-List

So, I'm not doing resolutions this year: mainly because I'd rather decide things I want to do as and when them come to me rather than struggle to come up with some now, and also because I never meet them!

So, instead, I'm going to write a wish-list. Not just for my year but for media, politics and 2009 in general.

- I'd like the Supreme Court judgments on the same-sex marriages which took place in California before Prop 8 passed to again rule the ban unconstitutional, and over-rule Prop 8. If not, by the end of the year, I would like it to have been revoked in some other way, in any shape or form necessary.

- I'd like Luke and Noah to have sex. This may seem trivial, and shallow, but in reality I honestly think a teen gay couple having sex on daytime American television is a step which we should all support if the country is going to catch up with Europe in terms of tolerance in society and the law.

- I'd like Barack Obama to have a successful first year. Not only because it is an important year politically for the States, but because with all the pressure on him to make radical change, it would be a shame for him to loss that momentum before he has really had the chance to begin.

- I'd like David Tennant's final Doctor Who episode's to be entertaining and memorable. I really hope that the last, not only David Tennant but Russell T Davies episodes, will stand out in my mind as some of the best. I would feel better about saying goodbye if they went out in style.

- I would like to complete ScriptFrenzy and NaNoWriMo for a second year. I found NaNoWriMo, whatever the product, a very rewarding experience and it certainly made me question what I most enjoy in terms of what to do with my life. Before I become merchanary about writing, I would like to have two more months of pure, unadulterated creativity.

- I would like to see some of the bands we have been enjoying for nearly two years to enjoy to success they are predicted. Here, I am talking about White Lies, Nick Harrison, Mumford and Sons, Florence and the Machine etc. who are pipped as this years big bands (while we've known about them for ages!) They deserve all the success coming their way.

- I would like to get the grades in my AS exams I need to have the widest possible choice of Universities and would like to make sensible choices about them. My greatest fear is going somewhere and not enjoying it, so it's a summer of research I think. And some vague career idea (not plan, just idea) would be helpful with that...

- I would like to see some serious progress in countries who have faced the hardest 2008's: for example, Palestine and Zimbabwe.

- I would like to have a fruitful time in New York - of course, I'm going to enjoy it, but I feel like wasting the spare hours in the city (like I'm going to sleep!) would be a missed opportunity and would like a project. More writing maybe? But what?

- I would like to read newspapers on a more regular basis than I do. I read them on a very random basis, and am very selective on what I read, and feel it is becoming increasingly necessary for me to understand. If everything goes according to plan, we should be voting in the next election and I would hate to be mis-informed.

- I would like to have a summer of working to earn money, and reading. I feel I have not read enough novels in 2008, and would really like to get some solid reading down in 2009.

- I would like a film which everyone agrees is the Best Picture of the year to win the Oscar. There is no need to go for an outsider Academy - sometimes the best film is the one we all love too!

- And, possibly the most out-there, I would really like to film whatever I write in ScriptFrenzy this year. I have a couple of ideas, and I think they would not be that difficult to film, and I think it would be something lovely to look back on and work on with my friends.

So, this is what I would like to see. How many will happen? I don't know. I'm not going to go out of my way to see these things happen above my own sanity, but they are things I hope we would all love to see!

xXx

Christmas & New Year

Hello, hope you had a Merry Christmas and that you're enjoying 2009 so far. I've got to be honest, so far, it feels very similar to 2008!

So I had a lovely Christmas. Just me and my parents with lovely food, surprisingly good TV (I watched a lot of Christmas specials) and some lovely gifts. 'Santa' got me a cushion, a Banksy print, a calendar, a Russell Howard DVD (in which you can see our faces over and over again) among many other things. Charlotte got me a pop-up toaster (I love it, but where shall it live?) and a lovely Julian Opie style print of me, Charlotte and Emma which is totally getting framed! Emma got me a money-box, Karimah gave me Amazon vouchers and I got a lovely bag from my mum's friend Elaine (among many others!).

Loved Doctor Who, loved Gavin and Stacey, loved The Royle Family... in fact, every Christmas special I watched I liked (it was a classic Midsummer Murders). So once the festivities were over, I did absolutely nothing for several days. Saw Charlotte a lot after that: we watched Moonlight all the way through the night until 6:15 in the morning, went to the Royal Festival Hall and saw people waltzing to Harry Potter themes and watched Religulous at Alex's.

New Year's Eve was equally jokes, we saw Emma and had THE BIGGEST BREAKFAST EVER in Jack's. Then I spent the rest of the night at Charlotte's chatting, drinking champagne, iChatting and listening to Charlotte's brother talk about the amateur fireworks display happening outside (There's a guy with no education setting off fireworks outside! He owns a chip shop, he can handle stuff!) So all in all, a very good night.

New Year's Day was equally joyous: went over to Acton to see Keith and his family, Ilo is so big and so sweet I thought I might steal him. Had a nice meal and got my usual speech from Keith about how much he loves me and my parents. Lovely. And Rana gave my a lovely bangle I'm sure I'll be wearing all year long! So this is quite short because I'm saving the space for the mega edition of...

GAY UPDATE: Why so epic? I'll be passing judgment on all my programmes from this year (I know, more important than the Oscars this). But first... it's easy to give the Christmas prize, but I think it would have won even with competition. As the only thing airing, NUKE wins. I have really enjoyed these episodes: shamelessly romantic, dramatic and setting up for what should be a very interesting start to the year. Fixed and broke my heart in consecutive weeks. I enjoyed HollyOaks but unfortunately, not because of any gay content: and until Olli comes back Ollian will not be winning.

So let's start with Ollian. It was a late edition to my repertoire, but valued none the less. The great thing about Ollian is not even the epic scenes, as heart-rending as the kisses and arguments are, but the subtle things that set them up as such a strong and loving couple even when they are not the main focus. And for that, they are clearly the best representation of gay reltionships I have seen this year.

Nuke... *sigh*. There are so many reasons why I should hate it: the unrealistic stories, the cock-blocking, the lack of physical contact but... when Nuke is good, it is up there. I admire them for taking Luke and Noah in a different direction: they're in love, it's not all about sex. And as much as it frustrates me, I am still completely hooked. Maybe it's the acting or maybe it's the characters. Either way, I'm not giving up and for me, they have the highest expectations for 2009.

Torchwood is probably my favourite BBC program of the year, and there have been many. For me, it is good in it more than just the relationship between Jack and Ianto, as much as I love them both as individual characters and a couple. It's a show about so many things: love, humanity, leadership, greed. For that, it is certainly best all-round show of 2008; hope a change of format in 2009 will not change that.

Roman and Deniz... when they are together there is such chemistry, and splitting them up was clearly a mistake. But one no one seems to be rushing to fix so for that, they are simply the best almost couple of the year. A shame what could have been so good was not allowed to develop...

Brothers and Sisters has had a good year: I liked Jason, love Scotty and am so proud of their marriage. For one thing, it gives all those Prop 8 supporters something to think about, and for that I think the deserve best statement of the year. Nora's speech made me cry and they're the most functioning couple in the show!

I have made my thoughts on QaF clear, and while it may not be this year in real time it is in mine, and I am the first to admit I was wrong. QaFUSA is good: Brian and Justin up there amoung my favourites, and while Micheal will never be Vince, I can accept the change.

So, the overall winner? It wasn't to be anything else. HOLLYOAKS wins, for so many reasons. I had been waiting for a year for the Sunset Ending, and while it was rushed, I think it did the characters justice. And the hole John Paul has left in the soap for me is frightening! They are the perfect couple for me, in their imperfections and flaws they honestly love each other. Whatever insecurities, whatever problems there is love. And the speed of the Sunset Ending was a testament to that: nothing else matters. It was an end of an era for me and so many others: not only saying good bye to the couple and amazingly talented actors but to Bryan Kirkwood who has truly regenerated the soap into something I am proud to call myself a fan of. It's light when it needs to be, serious when it needs to be and has given the internet the best gay couple in the land. For that, I thank everyone involved. And promise, with BlogSpot as my witness, I will never stop loving John Paul & Craig, and never stop believing in their happy live in Dublin. Forever may it last.

So, that's it. But tomorrow I will be posting another not real post about my thoughts on... THE NEW DOCTOR WHO! The announcment is being made at 17:35 GMT, so expect a verdict at around 18:00. Hope to see you then...

xXx

Well...

I'm doing this now with the foresight to see a Christmas/New Year post might be more appealing. Besides, I've been watching more QaFUSA and I want to officially add it to the Gay Update (drum roll not inculded).

(Checking iCal to see what I have been doing...) Ah, yes. Been quite busy actually. So, I chaired a couple of debates between Hampstead and QPCS on the first Friday of December which was quite fun. Enjoyed being in authority (and we won two out of three as well, which is not bad). Then spent that night at Emma's having our belated-and-we're-not-even-American Thanksgiving dinner, which is essentially an excuse to eat a Roast dinner. And it was almost perfect (if a bit cold) and expect them to be up on my Flickr tonight. Very funny night, I even used the candle my teacher gave me...

Went to see Licotine the next day, and they were very good. The more I see them the more they start to look like a band: and I like how many times we've seen them. We can really see how they've matured. And we saw Charlie, which was lovely.

Then the next Thursday we went to Cambridge on a school trip which was AMAZING. Beautiful place to live and giving out the free Prospectus' really helped. It wa scary though, to think this time next year I will have applied to universities. Well, that's a lovely Christmas thought.

Stayed at Alex's for our kind of Christmas meal with Karimah, me, Charlotte, Ed and Charlie. Watched Peep Show and ate food for the first half, and the addition of Charlie did change our conversation slightly. Charlotte's Tweet perfectly described it: 'Gone from dicussing porn to Tesco to Post Offices to economics to Boris Johnson to America to Obama to religion, very interesting'. Lovely evening, even if I didn't get to sleep to 5!

Cerificate Evening on Tuesday was actually a really nice night. Got my GCSEs, which feels a lot less scary than I always imagined, and I did not trip even in my immense (!) heels. Nice to see everyone (Jim, Charlie again, Jack...) and the Year Book is hilarious! Wish more people from Y had been there though...

And, last but by no stretch of the imagination least, TWILIGHT! Well a packed cinema (literally) and a fight for seats later... it was not bad. I mean, some of it was. The skin shining, the scene on the bed and the ending felt a bit like it did in the book; anticlimatic. But some of it was very good: they had the humour, both family dynamics and the style sort of worked. So... better than I would have betted on.

GAY UPDATE: You know you've been waiting for it. And again, very little to say. Ollian has been even quieter and I get the impression it'll take more than Jo Weil's return to give them a storyline. And Hollyoaks is virtually out of the picture now (until the Ravi reveal *yawn*) unless Spike returns. BROTHERS AND SISTERSwas amazing... very sweet Kevin and Scotty scenes with dialouge and family connections that let it win! But I am not giving up on Nuke... and I have a feeling it'll win over this Christmas period (considering it is the only thing airing, it shouldn't be so hard). Very sweet scenes coming up, and Brian and Luke are being given the right scenes for the first time. And QaFUSA is amazing! I love it, despite the poor quality of the video. The scenes which are identical to QAF are hard to watch, because they are not as good, but the ones that are different are truly moving. Thinking about it, current spoilers of ATWT suggest it may win!

So, merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

xXx

It's all over...

So, it's been a month since I posted. But not just any month: National Novel Writing Month. And I won!! A few days ago actually, but my completed novel (entitled Canopies & Grapes) is finished. Final word count was 64,094, and it feels very weird to have finished but also it's made me realise that, if you really want to do something, no amount of other things will get in the way.

And there are a lot of things: so many in face I have to use my iCal to remember. So I saw Emmy The Great on the 11th, and she was amazing. Loving the ICA and she was so sweet. In fact, the name of my novel (sorry I keep going on about it, but I am so proud) is named after one of her best songs, and when she played it as her encore I was so pleased!

Had a debate on the 13th: it was stressful preparing and the rules were so strange but I did enjoy it. Me and Alice won are debate, but we unfortuantly did not get through to the regionals. But we are having fun... and it was an interesting night.

Went to this great event with Envision called Chain Reaction. It was an event geared to making social change, and there were politicians, civil servants, businessmen and charities repressented. It was really inspirational, and it seems everyone at Envision is excited about our homophobia project, which finally looks like it is getting off the ground. If you have any ideas/ suggestions about how we should go about tackling homophobia in a secondary school, please e-mail homophobia.aware@gmail.com.

Been to Westfield's twice. I do like it: it's big and shiny, and had pretty much every shop in the world. There are still bits I have yet to explore but I think anything vaguely local is really useful and it has an Apple Store. Enough to have me convinced, tbh.

Had an Inset days, and then two extra days of school because of broken heating. Yay! It felt like a mini holiday and I did a lot of writing and a lot of sleeping. It was fun, and on the Friday we went to see Horne & Corden. It was really funny, and they were clearly having a good time. Even the warm-up guy was good: and Simon Amstell was in the audience. And, if you need more incentive to watch it, me and Ed were involved in one sketch so we might be on TV!

Parent's evening was alright: bit crowded, you know, but everyone seemed to say positive things so it's all good. Yesterday was awsome: went to see Monkey: Journey to the West at the 02. It was an incredible spectacle: funny, enchanting and impressive in equal meaure. Then, went to meet a friend of my parent's who is over from New York called Sharon. Had a lovely night, and am four Obama badges and an Obama wolly-hat richer!

GAY UPDATE: This has been an incredible quiet period for our favourite soaps. In Verbotene Liebe, Olli is gone of until Feburary, and the hope is that when he returns we will have a storyline to be proud of again. I still love them though, and even Christian brooding over Olli is good quality. Hollyoaks Later... was amazing! I love it, Hollyoaks with bells on: cliff-tops stunts, a marriage, many a reveal, I was truly shocked and enticed. But this is the Gay Update and... while I loved every mention of John Paul (and there were many) it was never going to be enough for me. And I did not get my phone call so. So, NUKE wins! I have been truly moved by As The World Turns recently and I am so pleased Luke and Noah are finally getting the storyline they deserve. Both are proving they can act, and as creepy a turn this story is taking, it is very soap and I am very pleased they are finding a more substantial place in the soap. And FYI, missed Spike in Hollyoaks, will have to catch up YouTube. New soap, Casualty! New guy, gay and seems very interesting. And James Sutton in it in a few weeks... I give it ratings!

No idea what'll be in the next post, but I'm sure it'll be amazing! And I will not wait a month to update this time, that is a guarantee!

xXx

My Gosh...

I am so bad about remembering about this blog. Again, over a month since my last post and I'm not even sure everything that's happened!

So, the iMax seem like so long ago... but it was very good! Tiring but good. I've also seen Brideshead Revisited (good but needed to be longer), HSM 3 today (so bad it was almost good, be better if I could have added it to my Gay Update), and Burn After Reading (funny). Probably more but it's been so long.

Envision has actually been really good. It's gone down in numbers but up in excitement; really plugging for an anti-homophobia campaign which is something I not only really care about but something I feel we can make a difference about. I've been doing a lot research and it really is shocking. If we manage to get this off the ground, I'll keep you informed.

Okay, so guess I should tell you the very exciting things I've been doing. The best thing? Met Martin after a (failed) attempt to get into The IT Crowd, and then I've seen... well, The IT Crowd for real (such a funny episode), Graham Norton twice (including Ricky Gervais) and a testicular cancer benefit where I saw Boyzone, Enrique, Will Young, Tom Jones, Seal and Scouting For Girls. And I was in the front row for that; I could have touched Boyzone but I stopped myself. When it airs I bet you'll be able to see me! I love Martin and he loves Alex!

Had the Rockcorps Gig; it was so fun! I mean, the bands were not who I'd have chosen but it was nice to get a bit caught up in it! The Royal Albert Hall is so nice, and I think it is a really nice idea. If it's something they do every year, I'll certainly get involved.

And... oh, yeah. Scouty stuff. Went to the Tower of London with Brownies, which was actually really fun. They are all so sweet and it is a really nice day out. A couple of them got invested there by a Beefeater and everyone is so friendly. And the next day I had Young Leader Training which was not so bad really; just a few hours and it'll all be worth it in the end.

Halloween yesterday; did nothing. But I do think it is nice that my mum still gets me presents. And this annoying cat keeps coming into my room and sleeping on my bed. If I see it again, it's a broom handle in the face for this cat. And my poor cat won't even come into my room anymore. *sigh*

I love that in all this I do not mention any work at all. I have been working, although really I should have been doing more. I've been more affected by David Tennant quiting Doctor Who than about my deadlines!

GAY UPDATE: Noah went to Rome, Noah came back to Nuke and they were sweet, but they've essentially had no screen time at all. They've currently got another storyline which will climax in them breaking up; anything to stop them having sex really. I am really not looking forward to the next installment where they destroy Luke's character; hope Van can rescue it. Brothers and Sisters IS my favourite show and Scotty is SO cute. So, since the Sunset Ending HOLLYOAKS has been holding the mantle: John Paul came back, nearly died, nearly killed someone and left again, all in a week! Seriously, that week of Niall storyline's was so dramatic and so moving and I was so glad that Tina died. And I did cry more at him leaving than her dying; figures. Ravi is bi, tried to kiss Russ. Bit dull but... the best news? Spike is coming back, so Hollyoaks will stay in the GAY UPDATE as yet. Oh, Ollian I here you cry. Scene fillers but their own storyline next week so... here's hoping they'll trump Hollyoaks soon!

So, next time. Well, seeimg Emmy The Great on the 11th, Envision stuff on the 17th, and knowing me it'll be the Late Night's before I update again. But I promise, I'll remember this slightly more regularly.

xXx

NOTE: The A in the corner of my screen is from The Out Campaign: will do a quick post about it now!

Results, MacBook, Breaking Dawn & Spoliers

So, after all the waiting, all the adrenaline, all those intensive revision sessions (ahem!), it's finally time to reveal my results and...

THEY WERE GOOD! 4 A*'s and 7 A's. I got the A* in History which I wanted more than any of the others, the A I needed in Maths and a surprise A* in Biology which makes me kind of sad not be taking it. Everyone has been so sweet sending my congratulations messages; even the guy my dad works with. I'm really revved up for next year now: less subjects, smaller classes, harder lessons.... I think it'll be good. Weird (especially with people leaving and stuff) but good.

And, the best news, my reward is a shiny new MacBook. I say new as if I had an old one rather than wishing I had one since they were invented. But I don't care. So, that might be sorted by the weekend or even before! I can't wait; and I love my parents for buying it for me.

Breaking Dawn... well, I wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. I think Bella as a vampire was done really well and it was so much easier to read the stuff written from Jacob's point of view. But... something about it didn't feel like the other books. I think that maybe in the time it's taken for this one to come out, I've lost my drive for it, and there was nothing of the fire from the other books to get me back. So, good; but glad it's the last one.

What else? Saw Hellboy 2: The Golden Army with Charlotte, Ed and Alex (who fell asleep half-way through). The best bit of the whole movie was the guy behind us repeating a joke to himself and laughing at it again. Classic! Oh, and kitten! Charlotte found a day old kitten and it's tiny and perfect and amazingly small! Found in a Barbie doll's hair under some kitchen units! So, spent at lot of time going 'aw!' about that! Had a 12 year old girl day yesterday at Alex's where I also watched some horrendous Fox News clips... tut tut.

GAY UPDATE: Sweet Nuke reference to first kiss and they are kissing a lot now, sweet Ollian episodes with sitting in the bath (with clothes on!) and jumping each other on the sofa and such like. I even didn't mind the Roman and Deniz clips and I usually hate them. So it's been a great week. And even thought JP & Kieron have hardly been on, HOLLYOAKS is my pick again. And why? Because Craig is coming back. And they have sex. And Kieron dies. And the video spoiler has only 30 second of clip and they don't even speak to each other and I am so excited I may burst... so, I'm sorry but impending Sunset Ending is beating all others. When it's over, I'm sure the playing field will be leveled again.

So, next week I'll be back at school on Friday so I'll try and post before then. I'm thinking... Monday, after first Craig episode. So, I'll review that, and the Big Star gig I'm going to tomorrow; they are my dad's favourite band (he named his shop after them) and I'm going to brush up on the classic tracks all tomorrow. And... who knows what other exciting things will happen (meaning I have no firm plans)? And where will I be posting this from? My brand-new MacBook!

xXx

Lottie's 16, Berlin, Underage & Aberdeen

Very busy few weeks: I'm just winding down now...

So, Lottie's 16th was lovely. Watched the Futurama move in her garden. I go her a box full of stupid stuff but all very Charlotte. Glad she liked it and she's legal now (but don't be getting any ideas ;p)

Then, the next day, it was off to Berlin. I had a really amazing time; it;s a really beautiful city. German is actually a lot less harsh in reality than it sounds Like how English sounds posh if you say it properly but in reality it's not. We had a lovely apartment, had lovely meals and saw some really great sites. I brought a piece of the wall back as well! It was very relaxed and Ampelman (the old East-Berlin green man) is so cool; he has his own shop. e also went to this amazing flea market where I bought some shorts and a bag AND saw two busker's with MacBooks! All in all: a great trip!

Then, a day after arriving back, it was off to Underage. I loved Florence & The Machine (only the second time I've seen them this summer) and Pull In Emergency. Dizzee Rascal was good, as were Foals. We met a lovely american girl called Kelsey AND I saw Sam from Brighton! Didn't say hi but still... good day, same the weather didn't hold but I love it. A great idea that works!

Then, after one day to relax, it was back to Luton and off to Aberdeen. Same we missed Nick but we had a lovely meal from my Granny's 80th birthday at Milton of Crathes (don't ask, I don't know) and then we had a family photo taken. I do not photograph well so God knows what they look like! So, that wasn't the most enjoyable but everyone is very nice and it was good to get together for such an occasion. Then it was home (a flying visit, I know) and since then I've done nothing... except, of course:

GAY UPDATE: So, Nuke have essentially not been on; bit of a disappointment but 2 episodes next week so let's hope they make up for the absence. No McPriest either, but I forgive Hollyoaks as long as I get my Sunset ending over the next few weeks. But yes it was an OLLIAN fortnight; watched the big fight on a proper German TV (no idea what they were saying but I got the jist) and the attack was genuinely heartbreaking. From the spoilers I've read, they are taking this storyline the right way and we know that the actors are amazing so... I can't wait. Although, the SUNSET ENDING is taking up most of my adrenaline.

Even though I've already had many a phone call asking for my results (those are A-Levels!), my results come out on the 21st. So, hopefully they'll be good enough to share with you next week. I will hopefully have a good gay update to give you, complete with Hollyoaks spoilers and... maybe Breaking Dawn review? We'll see...

xXx

Films, J and B, Books and Summer Sundae

So, it's been two weeks since my last post. I thought I'd done nothing but when I have it all written down I've almost been productive!

I went to see High School Musical as performed by Princess Frederica. I have to see, one of the sweetest things I've ever seen! And I love Saamia's iPod Nano, again, so sweet!

I was feeding Charlotte's cat; it felt very strange to let myself into her house. Speaking of Charlotte: Happy Birthday!! 16, legal to have sexy time!

I've seen three films; two very good, one very bad. Wall:E was a brilliant film: a little bit of loneliness, space travel and a happy ending. Perfect kids film. The Dark Knight was brilliant; it looked beautiful, every actor was perfect (Ledger inculded) and it's ideas were thought-provoking as well as entertaining (even if there were quite a lot of them). Bad film? Angus, Thongs & Perfect Snogging: everything about it was offensive to teenagers or even human beings! Don't go and see it, don't waste your money, time or breath.

Joyce & Bruce came over for a flying visit; it was nice to see them and get an official Olympic mascot called Jing-Jing. Nice meal in Queen's Park for my mum's birthday after their trip to The Great Wall.

I bought some books from the suggested reading list and went to Summer Sundae, Ben & Jerry's. Ate lots of ice cream and had a great time: if it had been a little cooler it might have been more enjoyable but the ice cream might not have tasted so good.

GAY UPDATE: NUKE was very sweet this week: there interaction showing that the show is tryign to create a relationship not built on sex (like all the other relationships). Ollian still haven't had their own storyline yet, but the fight is tomorrow (I might even get to watch it on a real german television). Annoyed John Paul & Kieron are engaged; it;s all too cosy for Craig to waltz in and interuppt a wedding. Hope Kieron is dead before that can happen. Bring on Craig!

So, next time might not be for a while, I'm off to Berlin, then Underage and then Aberdeen. So expect that as well as Charlotte's birthday goss!

xXx

Eton, Prom, Doctor Who and Progression Day

Hello!

So, it's been a while and by my standards it was a very busy time. Went to Eton, came back, went back and then came back again! It was an amazing week; it was refreshing to be around a new group of people and it inspired people to try new things. I dived off a diving board, climbed some high stuff and didn't make a fool of myself talking in front of normal people! Result! Much more than a line on my C.V., a truly great week. And meet some really good people; all of which is a very successful week in my book!

A great week which was, rather sureally, punctuated by Prom. Every reservation I had about it being on a boat was wrong; the views of London made up for my lack of motivation to dance and everyone had a good time! I think it proved we were a good year, and one which we'll all miss when we go off to sunnier climbs.

Or in my case, right back again. And, after the amazing team building activities at Eton, 'Progression Day' was a poor show and weak attempt to convey what A-Levels will be like. Someone, explain how 'throwing a egg' to each other is to do with independent learning?! Very dull, and doesn't fill me with confidence about next year.

DOCTOR WHO!! It was great; every loose end which Russell T Davies had made, he sewed up. Every character got an ending fit for their character, the Doctor was brooding, funny and sad (both of them!) and I cannot wait until Torchwood comes back (although I hope Mickey's not involved, that ending suggested he may get a job) and for the Christmas Special. Bring on the Cybermen!! Whether you want it or not...

GAY UPDATE: Nuke was good; Cyndi Lauper did her job, the startlingly short army thing was pointless but this week could show the beginning of a more... positive storyline for them. If they don't have sex soon though, many online fans will switch off. Loving Ollian; for the only couple who have not had their own episode in a while, they are still the most credible. Bring on big fight!! HOLLYOAKS is my soap of the moment though; despite myself, these recent McPreist scenes have been very moving. Craig will have have to have had a personality transplant to be this romantic. But maybe, instead of the sap I've been accustomed to, he'll be refreshing. At least, that's the hope.

So, next time I'll review the Princess Fred's production of 'High School Musical', will give you my shortlisted version of the Wider Reading List and a short family visit. Until then...

xXx

Prom Dress, Emma's birthday & Eton Meetings

Hello!

So, an update on my very boring life! This week was always going to be... shopping orientated. And so I bought a prom dress: black, no surprise, and I'm quietly pleased with it. Got a nice bag too, so prom is not going to be the boring disaster I thought. Got my Eton stuff too; and am doing MORE shopping tomorrow with Charlotte, who us back for the 'sunny' climbs of Glasgow!

Went to the Eton meeting after nice day out with Karimah on Tuesday; where I bought the first prom dress I promptly took back! So dull and uninformative. Just a series of cliches and money-taking! Oh well, hopefully the week will be better or it'll be a waste of good sleep-in time!

Emma's birthday was Thursday and the tea party at her house was very jokes. Enjoyed myself a lot and glad she liked my scrapbook! Lots of cake, late night and nice breakfast. Good all round! Went to see The Edge of Love yesterday; and loved it. Knew I would, considering Matthew Rhys is amazing and Cillian Murphy is buff!

Doctor Who; what can I say?! It did not disappoint! Absolutely fantastic in every way; the connecting of his companions, the twist at the end, the Daleks and next week can only be better! Thought that this week was hard waiting; this coming week... oh my God! Still loving Jack, shame there was no Ianto kiss considering he thought he might never come back! Oh well...which reminds me...

GAY UPDATE: Ollian was sweet, again, but still no interaction between them, looking forward to the big fight in August. Nuke, well, it was so moving. I think it may be the best so far; the argument was everything I would have said and this week, with Cyndi Lauper should be good (I'm pretending the spoiler I know isn't happening). Jack and Ianto, mentioned above, but it's all about HOLLYOAKS this week. They got found out, and it was edge-of-the-seat stuff, but I'm almost sad Kieron is no longer dying, him simply leaving means it'll be a Kieron-Craig fight for JP, which is very deja-vu.

Anyway, good week and I'll be back with Doctor Who finale review, Eton overview and prom information. Big week, hope I can get enough sleep in!

xXx

Am doing MORE shopping tomorrow with Charlotte, who us back for the 'sunny' climbs of Glasgow!

Scout Fair, Bad Wolf and Shopping Plans

Oi oi,

So, yesterday was the highly anticipated and marathon of an afternoon I like to call 'The Scout Fair'. As a Scout, you have to run a stall, make money, set up and take down the event. All well and good. Tiring though. I was there from 11 til 9 and didn't sit down for more than 5 minutes at a time. Had to spend all today doing nothing but watching old Doctor Who's to get over it. But we raised £2,877, so all's well that end's well.

Back to Doctor Who... I thought I was going to explode when Donna said 'Bad Wolf'. Re-watched the episode with Billie Piper where she is Bad Wolf and looked up references... and I actually can't wait. Torchwood are in it, which means Jack and Ianto and Rose and Martha and it looks like Donna's gonna die and... phew! It's gonna be amazing.

So, this week is the first full week of 11 weeks of freedom. And what am I going to spend it doing? Sleeping? Seeing mates? Enjoying YouTube updates and watching old Doctor Who's like today? No, I will be constantly shopping for a prom dress, Eton stuff, Emma's birthday present and I wanna buy a book for Eton as well! So, at least if I get it all out the way now, I can relax when Eton is over.

So, as little as I care, I suppose I'll tell you about my prom dress when it is bought and will no doubt be so excited after the next part of Doctor Who I'll be unable to talk about anything else this week.

GAY UPDATE: (for those who care) Ollian was sweet but not enough between them, Nuke was amazing and for all it's fault this storyline is getting better and next week looks amazing. And finally, McPreist is looking up for a finale this week. I won't just be shopping, I'll be watching Hollyoaks too! Most importantly though? JACK & IANTO IN DOCTOR WHO FINALE. STILL CAN'T WAIT! They think they're gonna die, they must say something to each other.

So, enjoy your week and if you see anything I can buy Emma, let me know ;p

Ciao!