Maybe It's Because I'm Half A Londoner...

It's been a while (as usual). My blog came up today in conversation and suddenly I had this urge to write a really annoying, long rambling blog post. Yay for you guys!

I've come to find it very strange essentially living in two places. I think it's one of those things you never really consider having much of an impact when you dream of going to university. You might imagine being homesick but that's not really what I'm talking about. It's like I'm constantly readjusting to living here and then before I know it I'm back there again.

I don't really feel it so much here at Warwick. I guess that's because it's still so new and everyone is in the same boat and there is something so *me* about my room here. Obviously I didn't paint the walls or anything but it feels like my room in a really liberating way: I think I'd find it hard to feel not at home here. And also, it's different here because work is so stressful but my friends are so chilled out that it completely balances; there's no pressure to be cool and go wild, we can just stay in and play board games and eat After Eights.

However, going home for Christmas felt really strange. I didn't feel weird the two times I came back to London before Christmas; I think because I was always in such a rush and my mind was so much still *here* that I didn't have time to settle in. But I found it quite hard over Christmas.

It felt so unlike the life I remembered at home, mainly because I had nothing to do. I mean, obviously I had work to do but I was never actually going to do any of it. There were, like, actual changes. My mum was working, which she hasn't been for ages, and it was weird. And my dad was on holiday for most of the time I was home so he was around in the day which isn't usual. Not that I didn't like it that way round but it was just odd.

Maybe it was me: I felt like, very slightly, a different person and I associate that person with this room, this home rather than London home. There were things I was used to talking about, jokes I was used to making, food I was used to cooking which suddenly made no sense anymore. I felt like I had to get in the London mindset almost, remember what I did here and what I liked. Remember the London private jokes and the London references.

But then, really soon, I relaxed into it. I went to Arthur's, spent new year at 'our' house, watched copious amounts of TV on my laptop, watched a Moffat TV show with the Self family and it all came back to me. And it was nice to be back, to see everyone and not have to do anything for myself. But five days back here and I feel like I've been here for weeks. I've gone from doing nothing to having so much to do I have to write myself lists and stick to 'write this many words a day or you can't sleep' rules.

By the end of next week, I'll have no deadlines for a month, I'll be turning 20 really soon and I'll finally be able to relax and enjoy my degree again. But right now it's stressful and it's making me miss London.

*sigh* This blog made no sense and was pointless. Maybe I'll hate it so much once it's posted, it will inspire me to write another one so it is not at the top of the page. We'll see.

PS: This whole blog might be the result of me writing a horrible, long, scary essay about physical space and its meaning in The Magic Toyshop. It's made me very aware of my sense of space.