BEDA #7 - Summer In The City, Social Awkwardness and Sore Feet

This post is going to be bad. I apologise. I've spent all day running under trees to shelter from the rain and standing a safe distance from famous YouTubers and essentially not sitting down anywhere so my feet are killing me and all I want to do is lie down and sleep off what has been an awesome day.

I had a good day, nay a great one. Tasha and Amy are the perfect gathering companions because they are funny and awkward as me. Because this is the thing about YouTube gatherings (and having been to three I feel I am an expert) they are fun. But everyone else looks like they are having *more* fun.

I guess the weird thing about gatherings is the weird thing about YouTube in general. We (and by we I mean the plebs) watch them (and by them I mean the shiny but normal members of YouTube royalty) because, unlike normal celebrities they are our age, attainable but somehow superior to us and a little bit of us believes with the right amount of time and alcohol we could be the best of friends. So you watch their videos, laugh, chat to your friends about them and before you know it, they are a part of your life. A small part, granted, but a part nonetheless. You know things about them too - the TV shows they watch, the instruments they play, the posters on their wall. And here in lies in inequality - they don't know anything about you. When they talk to the camera, it might look like they are talking to you but they are talking to the camera.

I find this (because I am an emotional basketcase) all too much to take. Clearly I don't wait for them to introduce themselves but do I just call them by their first name regardless of the fact they do not know mine? Do I talk about something from one of their videos but then, I already commented so...? So I complement them, that sounds simple. But it's also loaded - am I sucking up, am I looking for an endorsement on their channel? I'm not, I just wanna say hi but how do I convey that? It doesn't help (although I do really like it) that they are all a pretty tight-knit friendship group themselves, at least in the UK. Why would you wanna talk to me when you could talk to the people I wish I was talking to?

And all this is exacerbated by the fact that I am socially awkward enough with people I know, let alone strangers I admire in varying degrees of intensity. There were many times today I could have spoken to many people whose videos I watch ad nauseam - got a glass of water right next to where Johnny Durham was standing, Alex Day stood behind me the entire Blue Skies set, bought a t-shirt off Jazza etc. And it's not that I think if I go up to them they'll be horrible because I'm sure they are all really nice; at least all the evidence points that way. But if I start the conversation it will also be my duty to sustain it and I am not a good small talker at the best of times.

It's also true that lots of vloggers started making videos because they themselves are not very good at social interaction. So two people, neither of whom are any good at casual chatting about nothing with total strangers, is just the right ingredients for an incredibly awkward and in the end dull exchange in which both walk away wishing it had never happened. I'd rather point Charlie out in the distance than make him feel uncomfortable because of my inability to chat with him like a normal human being.

But despite all this, I did genuinely have a good time. I got to see some people I haven't seen since last years gathering, met lots of people as awkward as me, got soaked in the rain and enjoyed every second of the gig: including afterwards when The Luminaire was transformed into an indie disco. And the gig was really awesome - I love going to see bands where the audience know all the words and dance and sing along. Like the entire event, the atmosphere was really lively and laid-back and it helps that everyone who played is ridiculously talented. The point of going is not to meet famous YouTubers necessarily but to enjoy yourself amongst a group of people who, like you, know all the words to Indigo including the colour verse and who are wearing the same Johnny Durham t-shirt as you. And it's fun to meet new people and chat about things normally only a few of your friends care about. It's fun to play 'Spot The YouTuber' when you're in a massive circle for Duck Duck Goose. To some extent, it's fun to embarrass yourself. At least it'd make a good story for your blog (better than this one).

I'm going to go now because I can't hear myself above those people talking at the back and I need to give Jez some birthday beats. (That's another good thing about gatherings - the private jokes).