I am finally speaking to you, again, from the glorious Mac the MacBook. She (named after Mac from Veronica Mars) is in pristine working order; I had almost forgotten how much I used her until she was back. Wow, life is better.
And I'm getting better at the 'seeing things in perspective' stuff. I've talked to a lot of people and they've all be saying basically the same things: that I'm not stupid, that it's not the end of the world, that in a few years this will be a distant memory, that it's an opportunity to think things through, everything will eventually turn out fine. And this is all good and true advice and I'm getting better at seeing it like that.
But it comes and goes. It is slightly hard to admit that the massive life change you were preparing for and, indeed, incredibly excited about is not happening. And the way it is not happening (and the scaremongering news surrounding it) makes you feel, albeit temporarily, as if it is never going to happen.
Essentially I have turned into the heroine of a Victorian romance novel. Most of the time I am well-spoken, calm, measured in my emotions and angry at a society which is not permitting me to do what I want. And the other half of the time I am so overcome with emotion I want to take to my bed with smelling salts in one hand and an embroidered handkerchief in the other.
I have three options (assuming, and I have been told essentially to assume, the Cambridge pool is a no go):
1. Keep the grades I have (A*, A, C) and apply... wherever will take those grades. Essentially somewhere which will take you with a C meaning that you might as well not have worked for the A and A*.
2. Re-do the Spanish unit which is an E. That would involve going to a college, probably from January to June and hopefully getting my grade up to an A. The plus side is it would not feel like giving up but the down side is I kind of feel like giving up.
3. Start and finish a completely new A-Level in a year. It would mean, essentially, I couldn't get a job (unless I went to night-classes which would make predicted grades and therefore UCAS difficult) or do anything but more studying. However, it's not Spanish.
So yeah. If I pick 2 or 3 (and let's be honest, I will) I'm going to have to go to some kind of private sixth form college who can provide this with some guarantee of results (which considering all of this, I would really like). I don't really want to but then the only way this situation is going to improve is to work my way out of it. It might be depressing (and it is) but it's necessary. And I don't deserve to go to university if I'm not willing to fight for it.
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